Esquire. “And that’s why it’s harder to talk about. Because I know that there’s people who are suffering, who have so much less than I have.”” data-reactid=”34″>“If everything’s going your way, and there’s nothing wrong — but you’re sad? That’s almost harder,” Mandel told Esquire. “And that’s why it’s harder to talk about. Because I know that there’s people who are suffering, who have so much less than I have.”
Mandel said one of his colleagues, his fellow judge Heidi Klum, actually makes him feel worse, through no fault of her own.
Mandel explained to the magazine that he sometimes finds it hard to even hold his head up.
“Physically. I do it. I can pretend in that moment,” he said. “But the dichotomy between where I am, who I am, and what I’m doing versus how I feel makes no sense. I’m always searching for a way out or a way up. I can’t control when I’m overwhelmed. I go, ‘Look where I am! I’m in a f***ing ray of sunshine! I’m here. There’s music and lights and people straightening my shirt!’”
In March, Mandel wore a full hazmat suit, including gloves and a mask, to the set.
While a new season of the competition show debuted in May, he and his fellow judges, including Klum, Sofia Vergara and Simon Cowell have socially-distanced at the tapings. And still, the fear remains.
Howie Mandel wears a hazmat suit on March 10 in L.A. (Photo: PG/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images)
“There is nothing I’m not afraid of,” Mandel explained. “How I’m being perceived, how I look, what’s going to happen tomorrow, how yesterday went. Fear is my fuel, and also my poison.”
At the same time, he said, he likes the emotion.
“I’m a product of fear,” he said.
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