Doxtator has learned to balance the intersections of her life. COURTESY OF JOHN PAILLE CC AVERI DOXTATOR
A journey of identity and community creation
Do you ever feel like you have to choose one version of yourself for a day, but then become a completely different version of yourself as soon as you walk into another room?
This is a daily dilemma as I walk around campus and this city. One second I'm a student going to my lectures – without doing the lectures and being an outgoing person who feels like nothing can faze her. The next second, I'm walking onto the pool deck as part of a 22-person team, where my voice isn't usually the loudest in the room. Then I run to a dance where I can meet my family and friends and just enjoy the drumming, singing and food.
Most days I like it that way. However, to be honest, I'm still trying to figure out how to skillfully balance the various intersections of my life. Let me introduce myself:
My name is Averi Doxtator. I am a member of the Oneida of the Thames First Nation. My family is from Bkejwanong in southern Ontario on my mother's side and from Sioux Valley, Manitoba on my father's side. I grew up in the unceded Algonquin Territory in Ottawa and played every sport you could imagine. Hockey, gymnastics, volleyball, water polo – you name it, I probably took part in it.
In 2022, I moved to Toronto to attend U of T and now play on the Varsity Blues women's water polo team – I started in 2020, but we only got back in the water to play water polo after the pandemic restrictions lifted became.
Growing up in Ottawa was a very different experience for me because I realized I couldn't experience my culture and teachings the same way some of my relatives did. Of course, I'm grateful for the opportunities I had as a child in the city, especially because it introduced me to sports and made it such an important role in my life. But as I grew older, I realized that the relationship I had developed with sports was meant to make up for the lack of culture at the time. Since a large part of my identity growing up was sports, I believed that my sport was me – that's what I was known for.
When I started at U of T in 2020, I realized that water polo would become my entire identity. I thought my sport defined me because I did it so often. Then I realized that I didn't want to limit myself to this box that I had created for myself.
I quickly realized that I have a responsibility to my Indigenous community to build a reciprocal relationship. That same year, I began engaging with the urban Indigenous community in Toronto through the Native Canadian Center of Toronto. This summer I was elected President of the Indigenous Youth Council of the National Association of Friendship Centers. This role required me to be the voice of urban Indigenous youth across the country, advocating for our resilience and connecting to our culture.
This position changed my mind about how I continue to present myself in my sport, school, and life in general. I've let go of the idea that something – water polo – could define me, but I've also let go of the pressure to give back to my community because I've learned to advocate for them in every place I go. My “community” is no longer defined by the physical spaces I was in because I have learned to bring all versions of myself together.
I'm not a master at it yet. Sometimes it's hard for me to identify with the experience of being a varsity Blues athlete and not having anyone to ensure that I succeed in general terms of success. In my journey to reconnect with my culture and language, I have learned that these actions are a colonial perspective of what it means to be successful. Instead, success should be defined as victories that you experience daily and that fill your spirit.
In this way, I already feel successful as I learn to be present to myself and the community I have built around me. Ultimately, I believe that the people who surround you in the darkest of times will be the ones with whom you shine in the best of times.
Thank you for the opportunity to share part of my story. If it doesn't make sense to you now, it will make sense in the future as you begin to let go of a unique identity to define yourself.
Comments are closed.