It’s been a long time since the last 50 Hot Takes column. In truth, I ran out of hot takes and had trouble finding 50 more for one item. About eight of these columns have been published in the last few years, so eight times 50 is 400 hot takes. Can we get it to 450? What about 500? Here’s my latest Pulitzer-worthy offer:
- Women need to stop complaining about the toilet seat. Just put the thing down when you go to the bathroom. It’s not a big deal.
- John Bolaris should be forgiven for Miss Storm of the Century. That’s a long time ago! Also, we’ve all been duped by Russian hookers, so that’s what it is. let the man live
- Philadelphia should have two NFL teams.
- Spring is the second worst season, right behind winter.
- Whining about Sean Desai will be ten times worse than Jonathan Gannon. Prepare yourself.
- The way Gannon left is hardly a story. At the same time, Shane Steichen had promised the job for the Colts. Arizona tampered with the process and that led to the manipulation thing that caused everyone to go insane. In reality, things like this happen all the time.
- Choosing Jalen Hurts was still a bad choice at the time. Yes, it worked for the Eagles, but they had to fire their Super Bowl-winning coach, survive a four-win season, trade the quarterback they gave a huge contract, and then have the biggest dead-cap hit in the NFL -Eat history. The journey from Carson Wentz to Jalen Hurts was not a linear one. Howie Roseman did a great job digging his way out of this hole, but he created the hole.
- The Dancing on my Own remix really sucked. Good to see fans more or less acknowledging this after the World Series run has ended.
- Aaron Nola is Claude Giroux.
- If the Sixers want to help their arena pitch, they should tell everyone they want a WNBA expansion team to play there.
- The arena discussion is a joke. Impossible to find any rational thought on the subject. Even now there are people who think it will be built in the middle of Chinatown.
- Chinatown is set to expand north.
- The pitch clock is the best rule change in all sports in the last 10 years.
- It’s impossible to be mad at the World Series. The Astros were the better team and the Phils had been playing house money all postseason. It is what it is.
- The Phillies’ 2022 playoff run was the Flyers’ 2010 playoff run.
- The worst Disney song is the crab from Moana talking about how shiny he is. I don’t care that the Flight of the Conchords guy sings it. It stinks.
- Flight of the Conchords has always been overrated. I don’t know how many times I was in someone’s dorm room in college and they put it on and said, “You have to see this show.”
- Wendy’s is so far ahead of McDonald’s and Burger King in 2023. It’s incredible.
- The worst thing about having children is that they are ALWAYS sick. Get ready to feel like dog shit for at least four years.
- Raya and the Last Dragon is a blast. underestimated.
- New Year’s resolutions are bullshit because if you want to change your life, just start now. You don’t mean it if you wait until January 1st every year. you are a pussy
- March is the worst weather month. Worse than January and February.
- School buses shouldn’t have to stop at train tracks. Opening the door is overkill. Either have everyone in every vehicle do it, or don’t do it at all.
- Enough with the vape shops.
- Not having legal weed in Pennsylvania makes us look like chumps. You can buy a gun, play, drink and vape but can’t smoke some of the cutest cheetahs? Put Fetterman on line 1.
- Both 94 WIP and 97.5 the Fanatic should have one day of the month when no Eagles talk is allowed. Just Phillies, Sixers, Flyers, varsity sports, MMA, etc. That’s the way.
- Ted Lasso is underrated. Great show, well written, typically hilarious British humor throughout.
- 97.5 should really lean into the four-for-four thing. It’s obvious that WIP has a stranglehold on football talks (they have three former Eagles working on their main assignments, for goodness sake). So if they want to try and attack a different part of the market, brand yourself as the station that talks about everything.
- Casuals love Conor McGregor. Guy has zero UFC title defenses and one martial arts win overall dating back to 2017. Don’t even mention Conor’s name when talking about the real-life MMA greats like GSP, Anderson Silva, Demetrious Johnson, etc.
- Nobody should eat Kraft singles. They’re not even real cheese.
- The best thing the Zoomer generation has given us is the use of the word “ass” meaning “awful” ie – “power singles are ass” or “Ben Simmons is ass”.
- Someone should start a website called “Philadelphia Not Four for Four” that covers all teams except the Eagles, Sixers, Flyers, and Phillies. I’m 100% serious. There is so little coverage of the college scene, high school (St. Joe’s Prep, LSCHS, Imhotep, etc.) and even the Wings. There are many great stories to tell, but they just get swallowed up by the Eagles and everything else.
- Someone on Crossing Broad’s Facebook page once said, “Philadelphia isn’t a hockey town, it’s a Flyers town.” Fact check – true! The average Philly sports fan can name a number of players from other football, basketball, or baseball teams, but how many four-on-four fans here can name 10 NHL Western Conference players? Clayton Keller? Elias Petterson? Quinn Hughes? Josh Morrissey?
- People can’t hurt themselves that much over April Fools’ Day. There are many creative and fun things that people come up with. Just keep at it.
- Having kids is a total brainfuck because you’re supposed to enjoy them when they’re little, which is also the most difficult and demanding time. It’s the most counterintuitive and challenging thing on the planet.
- Mint green is the only pastel color men should wear.
- We don’t look to sportswriters for politics, just like we don’t look to Jake Tapper for Eagles Talk. “Stay with sport” can come with different undertones, but most sane people, at face value, just asked us to stay in our lanes so they could choose where to look for information and content.
- Super Bowl 57 was Super Bowl 52 without a stripsack.
- Jim Schwartz’s defense was just as bad as Jonathan Gannon’s in the Super Bowl.
- The Philadelphia Union has reached its ceiling. They can’t go any higher.
- Everyone should use the Oxford Comma in 2023.
- Say what you will as WIP bangs on Bijan Robinson’s recital and inundates us with Eagles themes, but no one in this market understands their brand better. In terms of developing a strategy, marketing and executing that strategy, they do it better than anyone and recent reviews reflect that.
- I’m sick of Howie Roseman’s tweets. All the people doing “Howie Szn” on Twitter were the same people who called for his release two years ago.
- The new MLB schedule is fantastic. I want more Phillies to play the Yankees, Red Sox and Astros. You don’t need 40 games against the Marlins every year.
- The NLCS rings are damn lame. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been giving them out. By the time 1997 was over, every ring ceremony for second place was lame.
- There is nothing wrong with Wrexham. It got people interested in football and drew attention to a great story. And when people complain about Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney getting involved and spending big bucks, what exactly did you expect? Teams with great owners who spend money on great players usually win. That’s been true of no-cap leagues since the dawn of time.
- Max Kellerman’s rap song is good.
- Elon Musk rightly abolished the blue ticks on Twitter. Originally, too many blue checks were issued. We’re talking dipshits with 600 followers working for a site like Winnipeg Jets Nation.
- Eagles players should simply log off for spring and summer. Tweeting too much and deleting. It’s pathetic.
- Too many sports fans and sports journalists take themselves far too seriously. This is supposed to be fun. The scene is overthrown by miserable people.
Have a great day.
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