Chia Lin Simmons
As caregivers, whether for our own family members or the loved ones of others entrusted to our care, we must be willing to reevaluate how we view the economics of care.
To my Generation X colleagues: Have you noticed that there is no Dr. for our aging parents? Spock exists? No book called “What to Expect When You Care for Aging Family Members and Your Own Children at the Same Time?”
Oh, and yourself too.
Caring – whether giving or receiving – accompanies us throughout our lives. Yet for some reason the focus is either directly on the front end of that journey, when children come into play, or on the back end, as parents and other relatives begin to age.
But what about the middle and the transition from one phase to another? In order for us to thrive as a society, I believe we must begin to view care not as something that happens at the beginning or end of life, but as something that is continuous – something that enriches life rather than detracts from it.
We are currently unprepared for this reality. But by radically rethinking the care economy, we can do it. To flip the script and redefine the way we provide care in this country, we need to have three conversations. Let's take a look at each one.
1. What does care look like at every stage of my life and the lives of my loved ones?
It doesn't matter what stage of life a person is in, we can all benefit from a safety net of care. The peace of mind that measures are in place to protect you. But safety nets require preparation, and herein lies the rub.
By default, babies already have the time to anticipate and plan their care, usually with the help of others, be it a partner, work colleagues, friends or family. On the other side of life's bell curve, things are a little more challenging. One moment your parents are spry and hiking through Machu Picchu, and the next they've fallen and broken their hip. Things can change at any time. And they do – without nine months of preparation time to “seniorize” your loved one’s home so they can continue to live independently.
How do we prepare for these unexpected situations? Communication. Instead of waiting for a parent to be vulnerable, we can talk to each other about caring for all stages of our lives. Maybe it's when they have their first grandchild. Do you want to live closer? Through consistent planning and regular review of what lies ahead (both the potential and the inevitable), we replace fear with transparency. And this is how we can prepare for these events and provide our loved ones with a safety net instead of a rude awakening.
2. How does care help me live my best life?
Not to answer a question with a question, but what if we viewed care not through the lens of crisis and disaster, but as self-care? To some this may seem far more than radical, but hear me out.
When we change our perspective and see caring for others and receiving care as an opportunity for independence and freedom, the action becomes empowering, enriching and a sign of agency, self-confidence and strength.
The process begins by completing three relatively simple steps:
- Acknowledge that you need help.
Although simple, implementing these three steps can be difficult. They each require a certain level of vulnerability. And who likes that feeling? This is particularly true for carers who belong to the sandwich generation, i.e. people (mainly women) in their 40s and 50s who fall between the young and the old and are responsible for caring for both.
It’s easy for women to take on the role of caregiver – for everyone. At our peril, we fall into the stereotype of feeling that we must be invulnerable and completely independent. When you consider that mothers in the Sandwich Generation experience more stress than any other age group, it becomes clear that functioning as a village for ourselves is unsustainable.
Only when we are able to be a role model for others is it okay to ask for and accept help. So we can leave the island of one and instead offer each other security and help.
3. Who is in my care village and how can we support each other?
When I was growing up, my foster village consisted of three generations, with no fewer than seven children running amok at the same time. When my parents worked, there was always an aunt, uncle, or grandparent who could help me—and there was no shame in asking. When one person needed a break, another stepped in – care was a shared responsibility, and the idea of a care village embodied the principle that everyone, regardless of age, deserved a supportive community around them. This is no longer a common model, especially in a Western culture dominated by the nuclear family. And while everyone's Care Village is different, that doesn't mean we don't all still need one.
When thinking about the concept of a village, it is important to think beyond just the family. Not everyone has a family in the traditional sense and family life can often be very stressful. A village, on the other hand, is open and accessible to everyone – it could just be your neighbor, your former spouse, or the people you play cards with every month.
When it comes to a village, it doesn’t matter who “lives” there; The most important thing is that care is connected. And just as its members don't have to live under the same roof or even next door, a village can't even be a person, it could also be technology.
With advances in AI and machine learning, technology that can connect caregivers to people online and offline, and a proactive Internet of Things that allows caregivers and care recipients to pre-empt a future incident, our villages are growing exponentially.
This gives peace of mind. Because I'm worried – and not just about the older members of my family. I think about my daughter in college and her personal safety, my friend who went on a Tinder date, and my relative, a real estate agent who makes a living showing houses to strangers.
It's unlikely that they'll have a bad accident or encounter anything unpleasant, but if there's a way to make them feel more cared for and safe, then I'm here for it. I know that my care village is vibrant and reliable. And that brings us all one step closer to a life of dignity, independence and the joy of possibilities.
Chia-Lin Simmons is CEO of LogicMark and a technology veteran with more than 25 years of industry experience. She previously worked at Google, Audible and other companies before joining LogicMark in 2021. LogicMark offers personal emergency systems, health communication devices, personal safety apps, services and technologies to create a connected care platform.
The opinions expressed in each McKnight's Senior Living Marketplace column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of McKnight's Senior Living.
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