I’ll be the first to admit that I tend to get overly attached to whatever medium I’m hyper-fixated on at the moment. One obsession I haven’t outgrown is my love for Taylor Swift.
I first heard one of their first big hits, “Our Song,” on the radio when I was just five years old, and now, 15 years later, I’m jamming along to their latest single, “Anti-Hero.” ‘ every time I get in my car.
When you feel like you grew up alongside an artist, it’s easy to connect with them. I’m not ashamed to say I cried when I saw videos of Swift thanking fans who have followed her career since she started making music, because sometimes it really feels like it as if she were speaking directly to me. However, it is important (and sometimes difficult) to remember that she is not speaking directly to me because I don’t want to develop a parasocial relationship.
According to FindAPsychologist.org, “Parasocial relationships are one-way relationships in which one person radiates emotional energy, interest, and time, and the other party, the persona, is totally unaware of the other’s existence. Parasocial relationships are most common among celebrities.”
The Swifties, who formed parasocial relationships with their idol, were devastated last week when People magazine reported that Swift and her boyfriend of six, actor Joe Alwyn, had split a few weeks earlier.
The behavior of some Swift fans or Swifties fits the aspects of a parasocial relationship. They’re the ones who put the time and effort into following Swift’s career, and more often than not, the star doesn’t even know who they are.
That’s not to say Swift doesn’t care about her fans. Of all the celebrities that make the headlines, I would say that she is one who is genuinely grateful to her supporters.
According to Twitter user @SwiftNYC, the artist said on stage this past weekend, “I’ve always loved putting on shows, always loved that connection… knowing you guys felt the same way… I need you guys so much for my wellbeing.” “
Well, I totally understand being attached to an artist when they say they “much” need you for their well-being. However, it can be dangerous to take this feeling to heart.
Some of the negative effects of parasocial relationships can include anxiety, loneliness, isolation, and even strained real-life relationships, according to Medical News Today.
Since the news broke, fans have seemingly turned into FBI agents, assuming the singer’s every move is a comment on her relationship status. Whether it was swapping a love song for a breakup tune at a concert or having dinner a few blocks from an apartment she once shared with her partner, fans have overanalyzed Swift’s every move.
They also made social media posts about not believing in true love anymore or not being able to listen to certain songs in the artist’s discography because it was supposedly about Alwyn. For example, on April 8, Twitter user @TiedWithASwift said, “I will NOT believe ANY breakup rumors because you can’t tell me that Taylor Swift wrote Cornelia Street, The Great War and Sweet Nothing about this man just to have a ‘ending ‘having ‘friendship’.”
Some fans seem aware that their bond with Swift is reaching unhealthy levels given the breakup. For example, Twitter user @holy_schnitt wrote, “I’m doing a funeral procession on Cornelia Street because I’m a regular person with a healthy love for my favorite musician,” referring to the place where Swift and Alwyn had their first shared apartment and their song “Cornelia Street”.
In situations like these, it’s important to realize that our experiences are not universal. Just because your favorite pop star had a bad breakup with someone she thought she would spend her life with doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.
Also, unless we know Swift personally (which the vast majority of us don’t), we don’t know all the details of the breakup. Maybe they really just grew apart. No matter what we think, we will most likely never know what really happened behind closed doors.
So the next time you’re fretting over a celebrity breakup, or picking apart every nuance of your favorite musician playing a certain song, take a step back and remember that it’s okay if you don’t know the whole story. Taylor Swift isn’t your girlfriend so you shouldn’t be acting like that — unless you’re reading this and your name is Selena Gomez, in which case you’re going crazy.
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