Joey Chestnut reacts after winning his 16th championship at the ‘Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July’ hot dog eating contest in the borough of Coney Island in the Brooklyn borough of New York on Tuesday, July 16. 4, 2023. (` Photo/Yuki Iwamura)
Question to myself: “When is a sport not a sport?”
Self: “When it comes to eating or wearing a costume.”
From himself to himself: “Start writing. You have the makings of a really stupid column here.”
I’m pretty sure this is the same thought process that F. Scott Fitzgerald had when he set to work writing The Great Gatsby.
Let me start this soon-to-be Pulitzer Prize loser with a speech to the great Joey Chestnut.
On July 4th, Joey did it again. He won the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest for the 16th time by inhaling 62 dogs in 10 minutes. I’m not a math guy – but that’s a dog about every 10 seconds. Let me put it another way. By the time I finished this paragraph, Joey Chestnut would have eaten six hot dogs.
And lest you think anyone can hop onto the Coney Island stage and try to challenge the great Joey Chestnut, let me assure you that it takes years of lower level practice. I can personally confirm that.
A few years ago I was a guest on a TV show with Susan Slusser, beat writer for the San Francisco Giants, and Joey Chestnut. We were challenged to defend ourselves against Joey in an ice cream sandwich eating contest. Susan hit me – she ate three. I managed two. Joey ate 35,000. At least that’s how it looked to us.
It’s all about practice.
Joey began his illustrious career by winning a fried asparagus eating contest shortly after graduating from San Jose State University. He ate 6.3 pounds in 11 minutes and a career was born.
He has also won national waffle, grilled cheese-eating, hamburger-eating, and bratwurst-eating competitions. There was a time in Texas when he ate a 72-ounce steak in 8 minutes and 52 seconds. First prize was a hat – and a year’s supply of Charmin.
And this week there was the big debate. Is it a sport to devour 62 hot dogs in 10 minutes?
My answer is, if you can eat five dozen hot dogs while going up against a Camilo Duval fastball or a lightning-fast linebacker, that’s a resounding YES. If not – it’s a pastime. A pretty silly thing, but a pastime nonetheless.
And wouldn’t you know, the numbers prove me wrong.
TV ratings for this year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest are not yet available. But based on last year’s numbers and last week’s sports TV ratings, Joey Chestnut’s eats would have topped the Australian Grand Prix, the PGA Tour, the US National Soccer Team, the WNBA and the US Swimming Championships. And would have had three times more viewers than two baseball games on the MLB Network.
urp!
In equally absurd news…
Anyone who knows me knows my strong dislike of team mascots.
It all started for me while I was lying on the floor at the opening game of basketball at Kansas University when the Jayhawks mascot, skating across the field on roller skates, slammed into my color analyst like a cruise missile, shooting him right off the camera and shot and in the third row of the grandstand.
Mascots want to be in the spotlight. And they are omnipresent at every sporting event.
For example, I hated the Oregon Duck. First, he walked into every take and interrupted every nonsense I babbled on with my on-air partner. He was also taller than me and had a bigger head. I believe that was the reason for my lifelong passion for eating Peking Duck. It was symbolic.
I don’t really like Oski, the Cal mascot, or the Stanford tree. I just think they’ve been doing the same since Oski was a cub and the tree was a seedling. I want Oski to get rid of that stale smile and I want the tree to be deciduous.
I’m mentioning all this because I happened to see a story about professional mascots this week. And it got me thinking about a career change.
Consider this: Rocky, the mountain lion mascot of the NBA champion Denver Nuggets, raked in a whopping $625,000 in salary this year. Mind you, that’s what a person is paid to dress up as an animal with a bounty on his head, pose for photos with children, and shoot T-shirts in the stands with an airgun. I know that’s a small amount compared to player salaries, but try it: The average Denver Nuggets account executive makes $126,000 a year.
If you love dressing up and have an affinity for Mountain Lions, Hawks, Bulls or Gorillas, the NBA could be your future. In addition to Denver, teams in Atlanta, Chicago, and Phoenix also have mascots that make more than $400,000 a year.
By the way, to their great credit, the Warriors no longer have a mascot. Their last mascot, Thunder, was retired in 2008 when a perceptive young man in the front office discovered the mascot had the same name as a rival NBA team. Today he is the account executive for the Denver Nuggets.
Oddly enough, if you’re more into dressing up as a dolphin, ram, or even a cowboy, you’re out of luck. The average NFL mascot barely makes enough money to buy a season ticket — averaging just $65,000 a year.
However, I dislike baseball mascots less. For me, Phillie Phanatic is really entertaining. And funny to look at too. And – OK, I confess – I have a soft spot for Lou Seal.
The Phanatic, Lou Seal, and Mr. Met are all in the $200,000-per-year range. The Green Monster, the mascot of the Boston Red Sox — who I must say I had never heard of until I researched this story — leads the league with $300,000.
And then there’s Stomper, the Oakland A’s mascot. A perfect match for the team’s character, Stomper is the lowest-paid mascot in baseball. However, there is good news and bad news for Stomper. I suspect he won’t be joining the team when they move to Las Vegas – that’s a shame. But I’m pretty sure he’ll be the starting pitcher in at least one game this year. Another bad news: no one will notice.
Barry Tompkins is a 40-year-old network television sports host from San Francisco. Email him at [email protected].
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