I'm tired of talking about money. I realize how that sounds considering I'm talking about money for a living. Still, it seems like an inordinate number of conversations I've been involved in lately end up being about how much more expensive everything is now (which is true) and how bad the economy is (which is false). Can you believe how expensive this restaurant was? I am shocked at the cost of my wedding. The tipping culture is so out of control.
It's not that these problems aren't painful, they're just stressful. Some of them also have simple solutions, but they are not fun. You can cook at home. A fancy wedding is not a must. Tipping is optional, and if you're upset about giving the barista a dollar or two, there are cheaper alternatives for your morning coffee.
Part of the problem is that we seem to have blurred the distinction between a want and a need. Childcare, an apartment and a tank of gas to get to work are necessary. The latest iPhone, not so much. In this regard, some people – and I include myself here – have lost track of things. If you took a European vacation this year, what a joy. Besides, it was a privilege, not a right. It's also a decision that may make it more difficult to achieve your financial goals later.
Vox Mark
Sign up for the newsletter
The big pressure
The American economy is still an economy of plenty. Of course, this abundance is not evenly distributed and many people are really struggling. But as upset as consumers may be about the economy, by and large they are not changing their spending habits. For many people in rural areas, life is pretty good. And yet they often don't feel it that way. No matter how much we have achieved, we always want more.
The landscape lately has me thinking about expectations – what you can and can’t expect from life financially. Sometimes I wonder if part of the answer here is that we need to lower expectations. Things may not go as perfectly as everyone would like, but good is good. Just because something doesn't feel good doesn't mean it's inherently unfair. (Sometimes the most unfair things are the ones that actually feel good – as long as you're on the right side of the deal.)
I say all this knowing that I'm in a bubble – I'm a millennial, living in New York City, and surrounded by mostly middle and upper middle class people, even though many of them don't see themselves that way. I also say this as someone who is aspiring and working class. If I could tell the child version of myself how things would turn out – that I would live in a big city, could afford to rent an apartment in that city, and had the opportunity to take regular trips on a plane – she wouldn't believe it. I am aware that this is not the case for everyone in my generation or those before or after me. Still, sometimes I feel like it's not enough.
Besides, why are we like this? Why do so many of us feel like what we have isn't enough?
A lot of this really isn't our fault. We live in a consumer economy that tells us that more is always better. We are constantly bombarded with more and more options, leading us to chase the latest version of the “best” of everything – an exciting but impossible quest.
There is no place in society that doesn't scream at us to spend, spend, spend
“One of the things that happens when there are many options is that expectations increase,” said Barry Schwartz, Dorwin P. Cartwright Professor Emeritus of Social Theory and Action at Swarthmore College and author of several books on psychology and economics. “When [businesses] Start creating all this variety, it's just inevitable that your expectation is something that will be perfect. If that is your standard, whatever you decide to do will end up disappointing.”
There is no place in society that doesn't scream at us to spend, spend, spend – and frankly, we think it's un-American to live any other way. It causes us to mix the non-essential with the essential; We don't just want the thing, we feel like we have to have it.
Modern technology puts all of this into overdrive. “Keeping Up with the Joneses” means thinking about a growing universe of Joneses, as we compare ourselves not only to our neighbors, but also to that TikTok mom and YouTube Hitler who seems to have it all figured out. The availability of so much information makes the possible present in our daily lives in a way that was much less salient a generation or two ago. If XYZ is possible for someone, you think: Why isn't this possible for me?
Credit cards and smartphones make it easier than ever to spend money without having to do the math. “We just have a lot of people who really don't know how to budget, and that's because of the credit card company,” said David Mick, a professor of commerce at the University of Virginia who focuses on blended consumer behavior, marketing and mindfulness. “People have easy access to buy many things quickly and without much thought.”
It all feeds into the hedonistic treadmill where we're constantly chasing the next hit of dopamine, but ultimately return to our baseline level of happiness no matter what. The pursuit of constant pleasure or fulfillment is tempting, but it's also not wise – at some point the big new thing just doesn't have the same kick. Even if we can buy the $40 bottle of wine with dinner, it's often better to stick with the $15 bottle and keep the more expensive option for special occasions. Truly good and special experiences in life should be rare, Schwartz said, so that they don't become commonplace and can still bring satisfaction. (He joked that, as far as he knows, “no one on Earth” has ever followed this advice.)
“Money is a zero-sum game”
Some of the ugliest truths about economics are the ones we prefer to hide from ourselves. The future may not look brighter – you may never get the perfect job or the “right” salary. A college degree will certainly help you in the job market, but even a Harvard MBA is no guarantee of an ideal life. The lifestyle you want may not be compatible with the cost of living in the city you want to live in. Making the down payment on your dream home may be out of reach, not only for economic reasons, but also because you didn't save in your 20s. Maybe you couldn't because of student loans; Maybe you were a little careless. When you get what you think you want, it may not feel sufficient; You can't have it all unless you're Elon Musk or something.
“There is always a compromise because money is a zero-sum game. If you spend it on X, don’t spend it on Y,” said Kelly Goldsmith, a marketing professor at Vanderbilt University who studies consumer psychology and behavioral sciences. “Unless you make the pie bigger,” she added, which isn’t guaranteed.
I don't want to undermine anyone's needs, no matter what their income. Part of the reason many of us feel such pressure in the economy is because everything is so unequal – the 99 percent fighting over what's left of the 1 percent, who are actually in a real, permanent fantasy land. This makes it easy to say screw it and just spend it all.
“It's hard to ever give up on it, and it's especially hard to give up on it when it seems like the economy has moved in a direction that's best for you for reasons that have nothing to do with you current situation is unfavorable,” said Goldsmith.
Still, it would do us a favor to take a step back. Sometimes a simpler life is a better one, Mick said, despite all social pressures to the contrary. “There are a lot of demands out there,” he said, particularly in American culture.
There are some treats that shouldn't be completely missing in life. But if you're missing out on essentials because of spending on extras, it's something to think about. It's perfectly fine and wonderful to want to see Taylor Swift and Beyoncé live. What a joy! Just be aware that if you're not in the 1 percent, it's probably going to cost you, possibly even at the expense of something you'll need later. Luckily, Taylor and Bey also have films coming out that are much cheaper to watch and hopefully fun too.
We live in a world that is constantly trying to trick and outsmart us, where we are constantly surrounded by scams big and small. It can feel impossible to navigate. Join Emily Stewart every month to look at how our economic systems control and manipulate the average person. Welcome to The Big Squeeze.
Sign up to receive this column in your inbox.
Do you have any ideas or thoughts for a future column? Email [email protected].
Yes, I give $5/Month
Yes, I give $5/Month
We accept credit cards, Apple Pay and
Google Pay. You can also contribute via
Comments are closed.