At this point, as a queer living in London, I’ve seen and matched with so many micro-celebs that I honestly feel like I could start a niche gossip column: influencers with hundreds of thousands of followers, Turner Prize-nominated artists, or just those models/DJs/party planners who are “big in the scene” but whose job title you couldn’t possibly explain to your straight friends.
But while all of this has brought me close to becoming a WAG at certain points in my life (why should the straights have it all?), it’s also brought a lot of drama. Being left alone in a corner all night at industry events, having your romantic evening ruined by raving fans coming over to your date every five seconds, or just dealing with someone’s travel-packed work schedule and the fact that you never they will be more important than their manager, even if you met them first.
It’s not for the faint of heart, but if you want to find out for yourself, you need some advice – which luckily I can give you with a little expert help. So if you’re matching up with a VIP on an app or getting in the mood for them in person, here’s everything you need to know to not make it a terrible experience for everyone involved.
First of all, what is it really like to date these people? Well, it turns out celebrities are just like us — some of them are cute, some of them are weirdos.
Angelica briefly recalls dating a famous actor she met through dating app Raya, who “told me he loved me after our first date.” Like every celebrity dater I’ve spoken to, she wanted to remain anonymous while dishing out the dirt. Though the actor was pretty smitten right off the bat, she still felt like she had to pretend she didn’t know who he was to put the power dynamic back in order.
“I acted like I had no idea who he was,” she explains. “I think it helped my anxiety more than anything because I didn’t want him to think I was some crazy fangirl.” It ultimately didn’t work out, but it had nothing to do with Angelica letting herself betrayed, though she knew him or not. “We broke up a few weeks later,” she explains. “He freaked me out by saying he wanted to have my baby and take me to America.” Yikes!
On the more mundane side of close encounters of the VIP kind, Louise once ended up going home with a celebrity chef she met at White City House, a Soho House member club in west London. “I’d loved him for years and thought he was fit, so I died when I saw him at the bar,” she recalls. “The next thing I knew, he bought me Café Patrón and I was dying even more.”
Like Angelica, she decided not to let on that she recognized him. “I thought, ‘So… what are you doing?’ Even though I knew his full life story.” Her approach and what must have been a sizzling conversation led to her staying the night and him giving her the “boyfriend experience” the next day, but unfortunately he didn’t contact her after that. At the time, she was disappointed it didn’t lead to something more lasting, but she knows she’ll always keep the memories: “It was like the best night of my life back then.”
It’s a mixed bag, isn’t it, this whole dating celebrity thing? But despite the differing findings, both Angelica’s and Louise’s accounts raise an interesting point: should you admit that you know who your VIP date is, or should you pretend not to know their status? Well, it paid off for both of them (to varying degrees) to keep their cool, but it’s probably not the key to a long-lasting relationship, let’s face it.
At least, that’s what Michelle Elman, a five-board accredited life coach and boundary-setting expert (yes, that’s a thing) argues. “If you act like you don’t know who you are, the relationship starts with dishonesty,” she explains. “There’s a difference between acknowledging who they are and fangirling about them.”
And what if you’re actually tempted to fangirl over them? Elman’s answer is simple – it’s time to retire. “If you’re at the fangirl level, then you shouldn’t be dating because the imbalance of power would be too great.” Enough said, really!
So if you’re reading this and want to try it at home, you’re probably wondering where (apart from Raya and a branch in Soho House) can you actually meet these guys? For the LGBTs out there, I can tell you that regular dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Feeld have been the source of encounters with queer micro-celebs, and they can also be found in community-friendly places like Dalston Superstore.
For those not in London, things are a bit trickier – as realistically the capital is where most celebrities sadly tend to be concentrated! However, as I researched this story and got reports from people across the UK (and even Germany, we’re international Huns), I learned that Newcastle residents might have a chance to compare themselves to their local kind of niche micro celebs: Geordie Shore cast members have been known to happily swipe up there on Tinder. Do what you want with it.
Now that we know a little more about where to find our VIPs and what it’s like to actually date them, it’s time to change course. What is it like to be on the other side of this exchange? What’s it like being the VIP faced with the expectations and prejudices of the normies who want to date you?
Simone Murphy, the DJ, model and influencer with 115,000 Instagram followers, has recently returned to apps like Hinge after a long dating hiatus — and she has some words of wisdom to say. As she explains, going back to regular apps after dating people in her line of work has been quite an experience: whether it’s getting recognized by fans on a date or finding potential matches that relate to her work relate.
One thing that’s particularly difficult is dealing with people’s expectations. “I’ve met people who had preconceived notions about me [based off my work]”I don’t like that because I think it adds a weird power dynamic and makes it pretty difficult to get to know someone on a real and intimate level,” she explains. “I find it quite embarrassing when people refer to my work, it adds another layer of anxiety because not only are you analyzing how you come across to her, but you’re also aware that she might already have done it created an image based on a two-dimensional version of you.”
So how not to totally confuse your potential VIP love interest? The answer is quite simple – remember, just because you know their work doesn’t mean you actually know anything about them. “The key is to remember that just because they’re a public figure, you don’t really know them,” explains Elman. And whatever you do, don’t research them before you meet them! “Avoid Googling them for more information and instead ask them direct questions like you would meet anyone else.”
And one last thing to remember? Keep in mind that if they swiped you, they’re probably into you a bit too, so stop obsessing over whether they like you and start engaging with them with the same interest, good babble and respect you would offer to anyone you wish to indulge in drinks. “They focus too much on the fact that you were a match for them, but you also have to remember that they were a match for you,” explains Elman. “It may be a cliché, but they are people like everyone else!”
@meganwallace
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