Released:
5:00 p.m. April 17, 2022
Celebrity-watching has been a popular pastime in Norfolk since Romans building roads, Saxons burying urns, and sword-wielding Vikings introduced autograph books as gifts for curious natives.
There seem to be some collections of signatures including Legionnaire Secondhomeicus, King Raedwald. Erik the Red and Norfolk’s own Horry the Unready can now fetch up to six figures at auction.
Later invaders included Clement Scott’s Victorian-era London arty set in Poppyland and Chelsea Tractor Travelers in Burnham Upmarket and fashionable neighbors when capital city safaris to Southwold and Walberswick in Suffolk were overloaded.
Hollywood star John Travolta’s recent charm offensive simply underscored Norfolk’s reputation as a popular destination for celebrities who enjoy fish and chips, a pint of beer, a visit to restaurants and supermarkets and a healthy appetite for homely gossip are. So are the vast majority of residents and visitors who are wandering around in search of “a normal life” in the wake of a global pandemic with all its restrictions and repercussions.
Surprising then to hear comments like: “He was really nice, willing to chat and be photographed.”
It is not too cynical to suggest that there is method in this modesty. Especially if the visit could mean practical promotion of an upcoming film, book, television appearance, stage show, or business deal.
Perhaps judgments can be blurred by the casual use of the tag “celebrity,” especially on weekend television programs where every other program gets that dubious honor. We cannot be far away from prominent newscasters, weather forecasters and pollen advisors.
My own brief fling with the Norfolk ‘celebrity circuit’ in the 1980s as a local luminary on ` Radio Norfolk only reinforced a long-held notion that performing affectations in your own backyard was a complete waste of time and invention.
I received a memorable build-up with a tap on the mic and this terse introduction before opening a village fete deep in rural pastures: ‘Good Arternewn, Leardies and Gentlemen. We hope it’s important to open this, but we can’t afford it… so here’s Mr Skipper.”
Later that summer, I felt a little flattered when I was asked for a signed photo by an attractive young lady who was tending the coconut. I asked who my joint letter was intended for. She smiled slightly and replied, “Just show it to my grandma Ethel. She likes to listen to you on the radio while she eats dinner just before she takes a nap…”
Such a response on behalf of flickering celebrity reminded me of a brief encounter with veteran warbler Donald “Babbling Brook” Peers on Great Yarmouth’s Golden Mile during my reporting days in the city in the 1960s. I asked him how it feels to make a comeback. “My dear boy,” he announced with a smug smile, “I’ve never been away!” Well, that’s real celebrity style.
Meanwhile, an overhauled rumor mill is firmly pointing to an imminent visit by a well-known actress to suburbs south of Norwich under her new name, Olivia Newton Flotman. Almost inevitably, Will Smith was sighted in Mundesley, a report seen by many as a major slap in the face to more famous neighbors Cromer and Sheringham.
I sense that this sort of ‘celebrity tourism’ that many thought might have peaked when hundreds of Summer Winers descended on Holmfirth to catch a glimpse of Compo trying to get to the right of Nora Batty, Norfolk’s exciting urge to satiate may also play a key role.
My Cockaleg Tour of Cromer Clifftops sponsored by Poopyland Ventures will feature lampposts Black Shuck is most familiar with after he was banned from Crufts for barking with the wrong accent. His new doggy diner called Hound of the Basketmeals for bone fido customers is scheduled to open before Pentecost.
My Paston Lettuce Takeaway will introduce vegetarian travelers to local connections with Wars of the Roses and how Schrebergarten has been growing since the 15th century.
A new version of Parson Woodforde’s Gluten Free Gourmet Guide, first published in 1782, is being sold at The Sinkers & Swimmers Bistro in Weston Longville, along with a new DVD from my Harvesting History Collection, The Rick-Burning Riots of Stratton Strawless (1831).
A fresh range of cough drops will be available in the city under the Herbert de Lozenge label, aimed at minimizing disruption from those attending Norwich Cathedral services. Methodists are encouraged to purchase a small booklet entitled How Moses Continued to Take the Pills.
A makeup school for young tourists wanting to learn more about Iceni Queen Boadicea will be based in Carrow Woad, where die-hard Norfolk fans will explain how she was a driving force behind the Best-Crept Pillage Competition – and also invented the dustbin with knives.
My punishment for dreaming up so many obviously lucrative schemes could be a nod from the East Anglian Tourist Board.
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