“If you come to Texas, I’ll give you Guy Fieri’s autographed photo that I got from high school,” is one of the many DMs that Alyson Luskey, a 28-year-old social media coordinator in Texas, wrote to Joshua Hong has been a member of the K-pop group Seventeen for the past four years.
DMing celebrities have become an outlet for fans to talk about their lives and let off steam with their favorite star’s imaginary audience.
These fans have no expectation that their loved one will ever read the messages let alone reply, creating a unique space for them to share their accomplishments and grievances while pretending that the person they admire most listen to them. It’s the Stan equivalent of journaling.
It’s the Stan equivalent of journaling.
Sonia Ter-Shayrn, a 24-year-old associate research specialist at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and self-proclaimed “number one fan” of Lady Gaga, began DMing the “Born This Way” singer last year. Ter-Shayrn DMs her about once a month. “It’s a place where you can just vent and not worry about someone responding to you. No one will give you unsolicited advice and you don’t have to worry about what they think or what they do. I will say it. Because realistically, she’s never going to read them, so I just feel safe going in and saying what I want to say and not having to worry about anyone,” explains Ter-Shayrn
Some of the many messages Ter-Sharyn has sent to Lady Gaga.
Photo credit: Instagram / Sonia Ter-Sharyn
Photo credit: Instagram / Sonia Ter-Sharyn
Social media gives fans more access to their favorite stars than ever before and fosters intense parasocial relationships. Fans watch every interview and appearance, and follow their favorites’ every move closely on platforms like Instagram and TikTok, creating an idealized version of a celebrity to feel close to. In the past, a fan hoping to contact their idol might have written fan mail, but today fans can just DM them on Instagram.
“I totally understand the parasocial relationship and the idea that these idols should be seen as the only ones for their fans,” Luskey tells Mashable. “I don’t usually believe in it, but Joshua speaks English, he’s from LA. He talks a lot about his childhood and I think there are a lot of similarities to how we grew up. It’s like talking to a friend even if that friend doesn’t answer. That way I can pretend he’s my best friend for just a second.”
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K-pop groups like Seventeen are capitalizing on fans’ desire for more exposure to their favorite idols. Fandom community apps like Weverse and Bubble facilitate real-time communication between an artist and their fans.
On Bubble, which charges fans a tiered subscription fee based on how many artists they want, these messages mimic the design of a DM. It’s a personal chat room between you and the artist. Here idols share details about their day and can send photos, videos and even audio in chat. Fans can respond and artists have access to all of their messages. However, the user experience for the fan is very different from the artist’s user experience. An artist can receive hundreds of messages every second while the fan can only see their individual chat log with their idol. So while the app creates the illusion of a direct message, in reality the artist is speaking to all of his fans at once – and those fans respond knowing their messages may never actually be read.
Ultimately, like a DM on Instagram, it becomes a means of expression.
Seventeen is one of the few groups on Weverse, a free platform that acts as a community messaging board. Fans can purchase a fan club membership to get more exclusive content. Everything is public on Weverse, and an artist can reply directly to a fan’s comment – which is then seen by anyone else who has access to the group’s feed. It’s not as private as a DM, which is why Luskey is happy that Joshua is keeping his direct messages open on Instagram. There’s one less barrier between the fan and the idol.
Over on TikTok, speaking out to celebrities is now normal. Last summer, Katy Perry’s “Swish Swish” saw a popular trend, with fans showing off the celebrity they DM. The trend isolated Nicki Minaj’s verse in the song, and TikTokkers posted videos with the caption, “When They Apologize But You Have.” already said it [a very important person in your life].” Users would then view the hundreds of unanswered DMs in the background. In @anakonatarr’s video, they post all of the voice memos they sent to Kylie Jenner with the caption: “If you try to apologize but I’ve already told Kylie everything. ”
In another TikTok trend, @tierneylcrieghton posted a video with the message: “When there were bomb threats in hs and my first thought was to dm Harry Styles on Twitter.” Then the long Twitter DM from 2016 is shown.
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It’s videos like this that inspired Ter-Sharyn to text Lady Gaga. “I had seen a TikTok where someone had DMed a celebrity with some random things about their life, so I just DMed Gaga and said, ‘Hey, I’ve been listening to your album a lot because my back hurts, and that’s really like helping, and then it just kind of evolved from there,” explains Ter-Sharyn.
Imerda Mokili, a 20-year-old student at San Diego State University, recently uploaded a TikTok explaining how her incessant DMs to comedian and Sex Lives of College Girls actor Mekki Leeper led to her being in was mentioned in one of his stand-up sets.
“He’s one of my comfort comedians. I have a playlist of his standup that I watch over and over again when I’m feeling sad. One day I was really upset so I looked at my playlist and I was like ‘Wow I really hope he sleeps well’ so I went to my private Instagram and texted him ‘Good night Mekki I hope ‘You sleep well,'” Mokili says to Mashable.
life is stressful School is tough. SMS to Mekki [Leeper] is something to look forward to.
Mokili has DMed Leeper almost every day since then to tell him the ups and downs of her day. She’s shared everything from her thoughts on Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian’s relationship to her failure on a test. “Life is stressful. School is tough. Writing Mekki is something to look forward to,” says Mokili.
Celebrity DMing allows fans to feel the catharsis of sharing private information with another person without consequences or judgement. “Writing Mekki is imaginary in a way, even though it’s real. Sometimes I have information I just want to share, but I don’t know where to post it, and Mekki is an outlet,” Mokili adds.
An example of the types of DMs Mokili Leeper sends.
Photo credit: Instagram / Imerda Mokili
Photo credit: Instagram / Imerda Mokili
So is Lena Welch, a 29-year-old North Carolina attorney, occasional DMs Key, member of Korean pop group SHINee. She does this for the convenience of sharing things about her life with someone. The first time Welch messaged Key was to let him know that she was taking the bar exam.
“[I message him about] Things I don’t really want to talk about, but I want to feel like telling someone about it, and I didn’t feel it was appropriate to post about it,” says Welch. “I don’t really want anyone to see what I write . So instead of posting about it, I’m DMing someone who isn’t looking.”
“I’m a 29-year-old single,” explains Welch. “There’s no one who needs to listen to me, so I write to them about things I feel like I don’t have other people or enough people to tell.”
Unlike journaling, where you vent yourself, DMing a celebrity allows for a different kind of catharsis. “Sometimes I don’t want to bother my friends with complaining about things because I feel like I complain a lot. So it’s nice to get that catharsis from somewhere else without having to put that burden on anyone to listen and validate me. It allows me to get out what I want to say with the illusion that there’s someone listening.” says Ter-Shayrn. “When things happen, I’m like, ‘Oh, let me tell Gaga the tea.'”
While there’s an expectation that the celebrity in question will never answer, fans are divided on whether or not they even want their darling to answer.
When things happen I’m like, ‘Oh, let me tell Gaga the tea.’
“There’s always this fear, this tiny inkling that one day I’m going to send a message and for some reason he’s going to see it,” says Luskey, “and then I think I’m just going to die.”
On the other hand, Mokili wouldn’t mind if Leeper reads her messages. “He’s like family to me! He knows so much more than my friends.”
Celebrity DMing is just one of the many ways fans can get involved in fandom and feel connected to their loved one. For some, it’s an emotional outlet with relatively low stakes. “If I’m sad, I can text Joshua,” says Luskey. “And I know he won’t answer, but for some reason it helps. It makes me feel lighter.”
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