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Something is in the air. Sure, the weather always messes up our love life – there is The animal lust that hits us all at the first sign of spring and the frantic hunt for a committed sex partner that suddenly kicks in in late fall, not to mention the unpredictable astrological calendar – Venus is in retrograde, you might have heard about it ? But this summer, during the sweatiest months of the year, a new seasonal phenomenon has emerged. Everybody fucking break up
The first spasms of the separation period made themselves felt at the beginning of spring, which spelled the end of some relationships that many of us thought were eternal love. Taylor Swift split from longtime lover and muse Joe Alwyn and immediately reunited with a widely disliked musician, whose name will remain anonymous (fortunately, they too have reportedly called it quits). Reese Witherspoon announced a major divorce from husband Jim Toth for some reason, sparking false rumors that she was suddenly dating the NFL’s most divorced quarterback. And then, of course, there was Tom Sandoval’s affair with Raquel Leviss, which rocked the ratings and made his split from Ariana Madix all but inevitable. They weren’t the only Bravo couple on the brink: Beverly Hills housewife Kyle Richards has spent the last month denying rumors that she and her husband, 27, Mauricio Umansky, had split.
Not that we have to believe Richards’ breakup to call our present moment the summer of breakups. For that we have Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner. Perhaps they were inspired by all these famous men and women who fell out of love, and a whole host of other celebrities promptly followed suit, and now the floors of our mind palaces are littered with dead relationships. As we mourn her passing, we also celebrate the arrival of good things to take her place: an unusually active celebrity rumor mill, endless opportunities for new unexpected duos, and the all-too-rare reminder that being single is actually fun.
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The former New York City mayor and his wife are on probation, did you hear? They broke the news in a deeply strange New York Times profile that reads like the transcript of a couples therapy session, in which they also revealed they are still living together and asked their interviewer to release their information for future appointments. I wonder how their setup is developing.
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Shortly after de Blasio’s announcement, Billy Porter split from his husband of six years, swimsuit designer Adam Smith. Porter reps confirmed the former couple planned to “end their marriage,” telling People, “The decision was an amicable and amicable decision that was made after much deliberation.” They continue to love and support each other throughout they’re starting that next chapter.” It’s not clear if they’ve officially filed.
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In mid-July, Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello announced via Page Six that they had “made the difficult decision to divorce” after seven years of marriage. Two days later, Manganiello officially filed the documents and since then the former couple have reportedly been discussing who gets to keep their dog Bubbles, who for some reason isn’t in the marriage contract. Even more concerning than Sweet Bubbles’ nonexistent custody agreement, Page Six claims that Tom Cruise is “ready to pounce” now that Vergara is available. They were dating in 2005 but broke up, allegedly because Vergara had a “fundamental fear” of Scientology, which is correct.
Ariana Grande reportedly took Dalton Gomez on “several” double dates with Ethan Slater and his estranged wife, Lilly Jay.
🔗: https://t.co/NTk7fopKUR pic.twitter.com/3w4wesvMZK
— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) August 3, 2023
Buckle up, this is messy. It began, as is rare, at Wimbledon, where Grande was spotted without her wedding ring or her real estate husband, Dalton Gomez, at a tennis match. Also gone: the wedding photos that used to be on her Instagram page. Since then, there has been a spate of confusing rumors and statements suggesting that Grande is dating one of her Wicked co-stars, Ethan Slater, aka SpongeBob SquarePants from SpongeBob SquarePants (the musical). Slater recently (that is, recently) had a child with his soon-to-be ex-wife, who Grande called “not a girl for girls” on Page Six, following rumors that Grande and Slater were having an affair. More rumors surfaced, including the Daily Mail’s claim that everyone on set knew they were going to meet and that they “got all over each other at Michelle Yeoh’s Oscars party.” Impolite!! Anyhow, it’s safe to say that Grande and Gomez are definitely broken up. Rumor has it the ponytail is in escrow.
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The hottest couple you’ve ever seen has recently become the sexiest exes you’ve ever seen. Things seemed to be looking up for the two as they got engaged in March after dating for two years. They got matching tattoos and recorded a sexy album together. But in late July, people claimed their marriage plans had been called off, as had their general plans to stay together. I will miss walking around knowing that somewhere out there these two beautiful faces are making out. REST IN PEACE.
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There are many irreconcilable differences. In late July, the world’s most talented matriarch filed for divorce from her husband of eight years, actor Richard Lawson. You know that feeling when you celebrate your divorce by going to your daughter’s sold-out MetLife concert with Gayle and Oprah? NO? At least Tina did. Cheers to her.
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Earlier this month, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced on Instagram that he and his wife Sophie, a retired TV presenter, “after many meaningful and difficult discussions” had made the decision to separate. He also posted a French translation because Canada. Still, they are close to taking their three children on vacation, according to Trudeau’s office. How do you say “conscious decoupling” in Quebec?
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